Hihihi brrrr

LOL

2012-01-04T03:36:00.003+08:00

Sarcasm.

First, I haven't finished my work yet. Second, I haven't been able to quit smoking. And third, I haven't posted much for the past few months. But then, I was able to have my hair trimmed. I guess promising something to an inanimate being does not make a good motivation for the fulfillment of such.

Every single time I feel frustrated to the point that I need to vent it all out, I automatically go to this blog and post a new entry. It's just that, whenever I do so, I tend to conceal everything - which actually makes talking to a brick wall quite diplomatic. Indeed, writing thoughts purges the mind of its vulnerabilities except perhaps mind debauchery.

Now that I have put myself to a rather tranquil state, I just want to say to this Cheetos-dedicated blogger site that I've reached the end of a segment (because a line, when mathematically defined, is endless) of my existence and that I've done what I could do for a classic human redemption in the context of social relationships, whatever that may mean.

It's not giving up per se. It's simply turning the tides such that the psychological climate of the human complex bursts a "Hihihi brrrr" once in a while.

Beer

2011-07-02T12:15:00.002+08:00

I still haven't gotten myself checked up and my hair cut yet. My right wrist was sprained two days ago. I am now completely broke. It's just funny how people talk about their conditions when...

We can all just sit the fuck down and enjoy some beer.

When Death Is Bored

2011-06-25T11:52:00.004+08:00

About a week ago, I got into an accident because of a rather stupid jeepney driver. Or maybe, it's more of the failure of communication between the driver and the passenger. Nonetheless, it is the driver's responsibility to keep all his passengers safe. The one who brought me to my destination last Saturday however was an idiot.

Now that I have recovered quite well enough to walk around the house, mom's convincing me to come to the hospital with her. It's what I originally wanted right after the accident. But now that I have gotten back the usefulness of my mortal body, I'd rather leave it to time for my full recovery. I mean, it's actually practical to go with mom. I just have a thing for hospitals. Hospitals don't scare me. I just don't like going to such and have myself checked when I am back to functionality.

Lastly, we have better things to cure. Well, whatever. Maybe I'd be opting to go with mom later basically because I have to accompany her to her check up. Admittedly, my body still hasn't fully recovered anyway, so might as well grab this opportunity. And in addition, she told me she'd pay for my haircut expenses later. Yes I am going to have a haircut.

God didn't want me dead yet. I could be considered lucky. If the circumstances were perfectly all in place, I'd be dead by now. And if I am, I would not be writing this blog post. Well I am writing this now. So to dear Death, I know you don't give a heads up whenever you're coming to pick up people from this earth. But whenever you're going to pick me up in the future, say hi first.

Social Mechanics

2011-06-15T09:38:00.005+08:00

The family, as many teachings claim, is the basic unit or building block of society. Without families, a society cannot be. By definition though, a family is a group of people affiliated with each other because of biological, cultural, marital, and many other relationships. A family is the principal institution for socialization and is essentially the "home" of everyone.

We cannot choose our families as a child. When we are born, we aren't given the chance to choose our parents as we all well know basically because they created us. Assuming that a person grows normally in a normal family, in the context of ideals and media, though still subject to most pains in life, the family continues to be quite functional and the person still finds in himself a sense of development by being around these people.

But when a family goes into dysfunctional mode, it hinders the personal growth of all its members. It becomes unstable and it alters the relationships within the family. Probably the worst consequence of this would be the family's division where each member goes to say "to each his own" in the most extreme extent. The social group of a family then turns from emotional institution into psychological prostitution in the most bizarre of ways.

One screw is all it takes for a building block to loosen up. A family's screw up can easily unscrew that foundation it had stood on maybe for years. The same goes for all the other building blocks. Thus, this structure of society itself ain't shit. Society therefore is the people's mere attempt of making modern living "modern" - and by that we say more organized, disciplined and systematic.

The system cannot work optimally if a one fucking piece doesn't fit into the machine. The verdict: we should all fit inside so that the society can be "operative" and "successful." In order to do so however, all the pieces should possess the same quality of defectiveness. We all need to be slobs of concrete and layers of steel to keep the structure. By fulfilling social standards, we deprive ourselves of truth, but then again, it keeps that machine going...

And the identities dead.

Point is, in this machinery of souls, the system easily produces hate. And when hate arises, the goddamn phenomenon of love finds its course and eventually tampers the machine's reality.

It's Raining

2011-06-08T10:10:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was like any other summer day. Aside from being freaking hot, the weather seemed to be too much of a troll. It rained for 15 minutes yesterday afternoon. Then, night turned very humid. Traffic was hell's bitch too. It was my first day of school. Uneventful, may I say, but it does not change the fact that days passing by continually remind me of time.

I've accidentally deleted my novel around 3 weeks ago. I have gotten over it, maybe. I am rewriting a new one and hopefully I can finish it by the end of June. It's not that I'm rushing it. It's more of... a challenge. End of June isn't necessarily a deadline. I'd rather call it an optimal time for publishing a piece. Don't ask me why, I don't know either.

Anyway, I'm logging off in 10 minutes. I've got to get to school early today before the rain turns into asshole mode. I'm going to put up more stuff these days.

Answer

2011-05-05T10:39:00.002+08:00

I found mine around 12:30 am of May 5, 2011. I have been seeking for it, and there it was. At the end of this road though, I've learned something valuable.

I should get that novel going.

Smoke Log

2011-04-23T12:24:00.002+08:00

I've had 10 sticks for the last 4 weeks. I've been monitoring my smoking since I'm on the road to quitting. Yep, I haven't completely gotten off the vice yet, but actually I haven't been feeling the need for it lately. The last 5 sticks I had were in the effort of trying myself if I would actually give in to smoking again.

It doesn't feel as good as my 3-packs-a-day routine before. I don't feel the need for it anymore. I've also learned that alcohol triggers my "need" for it so I'm also cutting that down --wait, I already did. This clean living log makes me feel good, hence the post.

Sorry for making this a (b)Log dear Cheetos. But if you must know, a cigarette stick is like a Cheetos stick. Though the cigarette may be the real deal in terms of "flaming hot" and that it is a good instigator for Maya, and that alcohol may be the best lubricant for letting ideas endlessly flow in the vessel of the mind,

Nothing beats cheese.

Psychadelic Awesomeness

2011-04-14T01:40:00.004+08:00

It's been 9 days since I last smoked a cigarette stick. I smoked one awhile ago and I found it amusing that my body isn't actually "needing" the vice. Usually, within 48 hours, my psychological state would declare the scarcity of nicotine in my body. Thus, by the time my kingdom enters the withdrawal era, my fortified castle falls to the hands of the plague - meaning, I really have to smoke a goddamned cigarette to get my ass back to working.

But it's been 9 days man, and past that withdrawal stage, there has got to be nothing more liberating than being purged from a killer vice. I realized that I am not dependent anymore and that I am not looking for it when-I-feel-the-need-to just like before.

Though bloodshot eyes and chapped lips have been the prices I've paid, there has been no regrets so far. My lips are now swelling because they've been used to regenerating everyday after being burned by cigarette filters every 15 or so hours a day. I'm guessing that it's still adjusting to a cleaner living. Unfortunately, my blown up lips have been conspiring with my knuckles such that I seemingly made it out of a brawl which mum's been suspecting of when I arrived home. The knuckle swelling's caused by training by the way.

To tell the truth, I've been in a brawl with my inner self. And hello world. I made it to virtual reality.

Covert Ops Within the Self

2011-04-11T09:08:00.011+08:00

It has been a little over three months since I posted something in this blog. I put up this site December 2008 and named it after my favorite junk food, Cheetos Flaming Hot, basically because I've been a snack lover all my life. The simple concept I had back then was that this blog was supposed to contain the flaming hot snacks of the mind. Those ideas that instantly come from nowhere, blazing and coursing through the ethereal void of intellect - yep, that's pretty much the stuff I've been trying to concretize by writing. Then came the dawn of this dull blogger account.

Then, I probably encountered the biggest phenomenon I ever had during that time. I started putting up posts related to this field of existence I've never been to we call "love" and it was all about Bianca. It seemed as if everything has been diverted to coincide with such unreal destiny, all because she too, as I did, loved Cheetos Flaming Hot.

So why am I posting this now? As a writer I am mutually obliged to fulfill the requirements of my job, which is to save the ideas. Ideas drown in an abstract sea we call the "mind" and we are constantly on a boat called "consciousness" trying to save the drowning ideas once they float from the bottom of the sea. They needed to be saved as soon as possible, and I mean as soon as possible, for they may sink in back again. And as far as my experience would go, they hardly resurface the second time. Writing this, I've got to disregard that I only had three hours of sleep. I have to save this idea.

An hour and a half before this blog was posted, I was here on my bed waking up from this dream. Supposedly, I was in some university chilling with friends. There's this curved covered walkway with gray metal posts holding the roof I was passing through which led to a big green field that served football trainings in the afternoon. At the left was a brick red and white building exclusively for senior students while opposite it was a small cafeteria near the other end of the field and a walkway with stone benches leading to it from where I've been standing. It was early in the afternoon.

Well, I spent time with my "friends" in that university. My dream told that it was my break time and I still had no class to catch up. I was walking around, meeting lots of faces that come and go since that field has been busy catering to the students, serving as the highway to their respective classrooms around the school. I've been giving high fives to the people I knew as I would normally do on any day. I've been wasting money by buying snacks from the numerous booths at the side of the field opposite the walkway leading to it. And, to tell the truth, I've been practically wasting time. That was what I thought to myself while in that dream and I quite enjoyed it.

Part of Mike's wasting time scheme was being a douchebag to others. It has always been in real life. I mean, he wasn't like that before. He turned into one because he honestly and idiotically thought that life fucked him up that he had to always blame something for a certain fault, which Melissa, this other girl that came along later in his road, pointed out for him. Yes, whenever, Mike's doing something stupid, he always had a fall back excuse that this specific experience turned him into this and that, which to me, as I've realized 5 minutes ago, was total bullshit.

Anyway, as I was being that douchebag by destroying someone's perfect day, I picked on this guy. Well, he bumped into me and didn't say sorry when I was about to. Scratch that, I wouldn't unless he did. It's pride at stake. On second thought, I was actually going to apologize when I heard him turn around as he passed by and walked a few feet, thinking that he was going to say sorry. When I looked back, I saw him glaring at me with angry eyes; I knew they were angry. I've always seen such eyes in my day to day reality. So there I was bumping onto someone and that someone bumping onto me which consequently pissed off the both of us.

We were in front of the cafeteria side of the field near the walkway filled with benches. Naturally, I approached him and held up his collar. He almost dropped the food he held on his left hand which I couldn't remember, perhaps a cup of cereals, and he looked terrified, which was what I wanted. I walked a few steps back and dragged him to me. He was frozen in his own footing as he was helplessly tagged along by my right hand. And then, I shouted at him. I ridiculed him in front of everybody. I've been telling him "how he shouldn't act that way when he cannot man up his own ground," and as soon as the lesson seemingly pierced through his mind, I shoved his defending arms aside and pushed him on the chest as hard as I could. He was thrown back four or five feet before he regained his balance . He looked at me one last time, and as I was about to dive right in and throw in a punch square at his face, some familiar figure walked up to my left side and told me, "Mike, stop!!!"

It was a command. As soon as I heard it, the guy I've been picking on turned around and ran away. I checked to see who was stopping me. It was Bianca. I think I just started picking on the other guy because I knew she was there though I've been bumping on people around the field and have been picking on them the whole day. It just so happened that she saw this one coming and I wasn't actually prepared for a grand confrontation.

With a concerned face, she looked up to me and told me the words I told the guy I called the dick moments before; she cleared it to me that "I shouldn't act that way because I have no right to do so." The dialogue was of course in Filipino which made the message come across much more striking. When I raised both my hands towards her shoulders in disbelief in an effort to bring up an explanation for my irresponsible actions, she bluntly said "I'm leaving."

Without saying another word, she hung her bag on her left shoulder which she has picked up from a bench she's been sitting on with friends along that walkway. She turned around and walked away briskly. I couldn't spit out another word. I knew she was pissed at me. And as I thought of catching up to her and telling her I'm sorry, it just occurred to me that I should be sorry for more important matters, and not this petty fight I picked up. This idea was an idea that could be classified as the most flaming hot I ever had.

Though it was just a dream, it was parallel to reality. True, I have been wasting time. I've always been an attention whore bitching out on the past. I covered up my weakness by trying to be strong in front of others the wrong way. I knew it wouldn't help, and it didn't. As of now, I've been devastating the hope high heavens has mandated on me by treading the wrong path. I knew I was practically wasting time after getting kicked out of the Ateneo. I didn't give a shit, even the slightest of it, because I learned to be numb from all these fuck ups life has thrown in front of me in each and every step I took towards the future. I just wanted to get rid of all that crap, you know, that 25 o'clock in our days when we can't understand any goddamned thing for Chrissake - not even ourselves or our awareness - and it allegedly drives us to the spectrum of plain stupidity, or psychological inconsistency, or emotional instability, or whatever.

In that dream, I looked at Bianca's eyes. And I saw through it the truth that I should have realized years ago. Right now, I feel like I've been a total douchebag to her. During the days I was trying to get into her life as any other normal guy would upon seeing her beauty, I tried to get her attention as much as I could. I tried to impress her. There were plans for Valentines, or for class speeches since we were classmates, and all that hype I exhausted myself with because I wanted to be friends with her. And later on I hoped it would lead to something greater than that - than being a friend.

And I asked her at the wrong moment. I didn't know why I did; well for one, I had a good day with her. Yet in the end, I wasted everything for a goddamn spontaneous and reckless action. When I thought we were already good friends, it all faltered, all of it, I thought.

One good explanation is that the foundation of that friendship I've formed weren't that much of a help in achieving my goal. Throughout the course of our history, I've always been coming up with ideas in the effort of trying to make her time with me happy. Clearly, it has dawned unto me that I wasn't being myself in that process. It wasn't Mike that Bianca has been seeing from December 2008 to March 2009. It's the effort and the dedication. I was just in the process of reinforcing the foundations of our friendship by presenting her who I really was when I destroyed all of it.

I now think that I deliberately wasted her time, that I am at fault, that I made things hard for her, and that I owe her all apologies. I could have done better after everything, but I did not. I threw it all away. I honestly think that I wasted a friendship. I pursued her because I was happy with it and it did make me really really happy to an extent that I haven't felt anything like it all my life, seriously. Now, I genuinely think that I can go to hell with it, with "it" being my lousy excuses for my scattered self. I've just been covering up my stupidity all this time. And now that I've clarified to myself what my mistakes have been, I am now at peace with a part of myself. I still have many things to sort out.

Aside from apologizing, I think it is appropriate to be thankful for everything. I mean, if it wasn't for B, as I've learned to call her lately because I found it cute, I wouldn't have been this. I wouldn't have been cheerful, determined, enlightened, etc. my brains could spill any minute now. I couldn't have been any angrier than myself for being totally, wholly, completely stupid and intellectually incapacitated after failing "us." I can't help myself into explaining what I feel right now. I know I can make it somewhat clearer, but I still am overwhelmed by the fact that I am now a repaired shithead on the face of the planet. Cheers! As far as I'm concerned, I'm now going to be a better person after this. I don't know how, but I know I'll be. Thanks to B for unfolding this life in front of my own eyes. I may be an insignificant person in her life as of now. It doesn't really matter.

I know I've failed in deconstructing the idea, but what the hell - as long as I keep it intact, I'm sure it is going to be a constant reminder to me for... I don't know. Loving women did me good things, and I am very much thankful for all of these. I myself am not sure if I've encapsulated the idea with my understanding, but yeah, operations have begun in saving Private Mike. Let's see how a revived Homeric hero would actually play out.

Are You There, God?

2010-12-31T23:41:00.002+08:00

Of course you are, you #%&$@. I just want to tell you that I am thankful, with utmost sincerity. 2010 has been an epic year for me - all 365 days of it. It's been worth living, considering the amount of apeshit life has tried to feed me. On the backside of all those however, you gave me this gay thing we call "hope." And by this, I mean hope in general terms. It's not necessarily from someone or something, rather, an enlightenment through an epiphany.

Oh you God. You're a genius for using a mere mortal human being as a vessel for bringing upon enlightenment onto my world - my world because I view it this way and not Yours or anyone's for that matter - and because of that, I am now actually looking forward to the future. It now seems pretty exciting to experience.

You might be enjoying divine champagne up there in heaven, I assume? Send me some beer here!!! I'll pay forward.

Dear Blog

2010-12-30T01:37:00.004+08:00

May I say that the past few hours should probably be the last of my alcoholic nights. I've been a drunkard for more than a year already and I confess that it hasn't brought me anywhere - aside from empty pockets and wasted time, that is. I am actually now regretting being an alcoholic.

I should also tell you that I've changed. It may not be the best change I've had so far in this dull existence, but then, it has actually been quite eventful. Aside from meeting this person who did inspire me, I am now striving to be a better person.

It's actually funny when people say these kinds of stuff after getting megafucked by alcohol. After cursing themselves with any kind of apeshit that crosses their minds, they consistently remind themselves of the "better person" ideal they will be striving for starting right at the next day, or perhaps upon waking up. When will they actually wake up from this disillusion?

Let me tell you that I'm now writing a new novel.

Bedtime Stories

2010-11-11T23:12:00.003+08:00

Dear blog, I already owe you a lot of stories. Let me first start with academics.

I made it to the Dean's List this past semester and my average almost hit a B+ so fucking close that the difference was only a decimal. I am not that grade conscious however, and I am quite contented with this result considering my lousy academic performance.

The next most exciting thing would probably be the semestral break because I've been inside my house a.k.a. modern warzone for three weeks and I only went out during Fridays for drinking trips and during the days allotted for school enrollment and enlistment. The most exhilarating saga of this vacation would be the daily bum routine of wake up - breakfast - Facebook - lunch -Facebook -dinner - Facebook - DotA until my eyes give out - sleep. This is masterfully executed almost every single day.

Aside from those, there are nothing more to tell because you've probably dozed your ass off to bed. Such stories could bore you to death, and being the main character in all those quite put me in the most optimistic state in life.

You can notice that most blog posts here are tagged as "awesome" because they really are, in the truest sense, the opposite actually, which ironically makes it awesome in the truthful sense, or whatever. Let's just say that the world is awesome because Discovery Channel says so. You're awesome too.

My 20th Year on Earth Begins

2010-10-23T20:33:00.004+08:00

So, hello dear blog. It has been more than a month already since I posted an entry on your virtual memory. I have been "celebrating" my birth day today in the most fashionable way possible and towards the end of it, I thought that this wonderful day is something absolutely remarkable, and thus deserving of a blog post.

Of course, this is an extreme sarcasm. What can you do with an empty wallet and an empty family anyway? Besides, we've been in "The Octagon" the whole day (alluding to UFC).

Not to rant in a sense though, I honestly think that somehow, a supreme being or a prime cause omniscient watching over us likes to play games. I mean, he gives you this problem, followed by this, and another one, and another one over there, and additionally a consequent problem just there, and yet another endless chain of reactions - which sums up to him fucking you up. Goodness is indeed a gift possessed by the weak. The truth is, there's nothing sensible in attaining the general good; it's just a cover up of one's inability to cope up with reality.

This is an essential lesson I've learned for the past 19 years I have been existing in this happy happy god-forsaken land. It is a question if I should be living up to the ideals of goodness, or try lending an ear to the other side within. Oh wait, let me flip a coin.

Let's wait 'til it gets back. A bird called "Intellect" caught it up there.

Q&A Portion

2010-09-04T02:03:00.005+08:00

After several days I've finally received an answer I've been hoping for, and it was in a form of a surprise. Well, majority of answers come in such form, but then some just hit you on the spot that you seem unable to find a proper reaction at that exact moment. And no matter how much you do not want to receive the answer ironically since the question has always been an agony for the time being, you whole-heartedly accept the goddamn answer and you finally decide not to react but just cherish it.

Before this entry goes cheesy, I'd just like to say that I am quite amazed by how questions find their answers at perfect moments. It's like a game of hide and seek - the thrill of the question's quest never fails to instigate a story. Stories rooted from these forms are quite common, but there's just one fucking piece of an answer that makes all the difference. Among a million questions solved, there's that one epic question that stands out.

There's that one long chain of events where I've promoted myself to the ranks of stupidity. I honestly think though that it is actually luckier, looking like a complete dumbfuck and such, rather than seeing the reality falter together with faith because of an unanswerable question. Truth is, questions always do have answers. It's just fun to have a question answered by a question while the question is looking for its respective answer.

Before I continue blabbing shit here and not make any more sense, I have a question.

Do you have your answer?

Diffusal

2010-08-30T23:39:00.003+08:00

Damn it when Medusa's graze purges a man's soul out of his mortal form. It renders the victim completely powerless, or simply put, devoid of life. As tantalizing the latter seems to be, those turned to stone are usually drowned in some sea of reality and then torn asunder by truth.

That truth though is highly debatable because all truths are subjective - subjective in a sense that there has to be one perpendicularity among all parallelisms that would make the slightest of differences between perspectives. And when one perspective strays into the dark wood of error, as Dante puts it, he should be assailed by his own beasts. He should then expect his Virgil to come up anytime soon and save his ass. If Virgil doesn't show up, the man of a victim needs some alcohol. Credits to Medusa for doing a good job.

Analysis

2010-08-29T21:58:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, you don't need this thing.

People tend to over-analyze things when something unwanted comes up along the road and blocks their path to their goddamn enlightenment. Man's rationality then becomes his own weakness and stupidity. Consequently, man either falls to his own demise through the void of his emotions - which means that he won't be making any sense for the days to come. If his luck continues, he might be spending much more time contemplating on unreliable thoughts. We can't do anything about it 'cause man usually feels like shit during his alone time.

Pretty Legit

2010-07-17T23:05:00.002+08:00

I had like 9 servings of 1/4 chicken last night at Max's and I must say that I shall abstain from such food in a span of 10 days. I feel like puking whenever a chicken meal comes to mind. I was able to maximize my 165 bucks though because it's the charge for the "Chicken-all-you-want" promo, and a basic chicken meal costs around 140. So I had 9 of those, minus a cup of rice and a side dish which aren't included in the 165 promo. Ah I hope I'm making sense now 'cause I type what comes to mind since she's talking to me. Gotta go now. Things seem pretty legit at the moment.

28 Days Later, Almost

2010-07-12T22:20:00.002+08:00

I haven't blogged for a while because 24 hours a day seem to be a short while. Day after day I've been suffering from Jurassic technology and snail speed travel and I haven't found the time to write even just for myself, which is this blog site for that matter. And because academics and Cupid's missions have been interfering my daily routine as well, I wasn't able to open my Blogger account for several weeks.

Yet here I am again unable to quit smoking. But I've lessened it drastically - I only had 5 sticks for the past week. Isn't that great for a change? At least I don't average 60 sticks a day anymore.

On to more intimate things, it's getting better. I feel the vibes. And I feel that you do get what I'm talking about. And if ever you understood what this is about, good for you.

Back and Ready to Attack

2010-06-20T09:21:00.003+08:00

It's almost since 2 months since I wrote here although I so wanted to chronicle the things that happened all throughout the remaining days of my summer vacation and the first few days of classes. It's because I have been extremely lazy and that I've had this crappy thing for a personal computer that won't work at times so I couldn't go post stuff online.

As far as I'm concerned though, things are getting better between me and her. This is just an assumption but you could call it off as a high probability since we've been seeing each other, not dating of course, just hanging out, or kidnapping her for that matter. I'll put up a new story for that on the other cheetos.

I found some reason in life yet again and I'm going to try to quit smoking for the good, the better and the best this time. Impossible it may seem, I'm pitching my bets higher. I just suddenly felt like I could just do it. To make things much more challenging, I'm bringing a lighter with me every single day to increase my temptations and prove the world how much I can resist cigarettes - and to a greater extent, I could easily light one since I've a lighter with me whenever I feel like I can't quit anymore.

Broke

2010-04-26T22:54:00.004+08:00

Ah shit. I started smoking again. Obviously I was stressed and I'd rather vent out my frustration on my lungs. But then, I lied to her that I was able to successfully quit. Even though it was a day made of win for me due to the fact that I was able to be truthful to her to some extent, I still made a fool out of my contract. So much for quitting cigarettes. Also, I'm kind of broke now. 7 pesos may still give me one last jeepney ride before my pockets go completely empty. I hope I'll be able to survive for two weeks.

She's the one who made me smile again - not being cheesy here by the way.

Resistance

2010-04-26T00:02:00.002+08:00

Well after missing her this weekend I've thought of something cool about what occurred last Friday. You see, Friday was a special day because it was the time I saw her since what? - the last day of her last semester for Freshman year. Not so much of time if you ask me, but it's the presence that I've been missing out.

So I was somewhere in Ateneo, falling in line to get some lunch. Uhh, I got mine. Kris was on the other food booth still making his order. I was even telling him things like, "Ah man, it's the bell already. She'll be skipping lunch for sure because she needs to go to class." And then right at the corner of my eye a very familiar silhouette seemed to look at me for several seconds. And when I looked back at it, there's her, alone, standing.

And here's the epic part. You know that smile you display in front of some person for reasons you just can't explain? That smile you can only show to him or her or whatever - Yes, that one. And you just can't hold it back. And the more you resist it, the more sincere it turns out. Teeth seems to be a good measure of sincerity if that's the case. But that smile, that's perfectly dropping her line of defense.

Of course this is just a theory.

The Social Contract

2010-04-23T22:36:00.002+08:00

I haven't smoked since the time and date I mentioned on the previous blog considering I was very much tempted and tortured the whole day - I'm quite thankful that self-discipline was able to put its power over my mortality and I got home without lighting a single cigarette stick. Now that's a start.

I realized that loving many people is very much possible, to the extent that you put your heart in each and every one of them. Being committed and passionate towards a single person is a different thing. And there's nothing wrong when these two occur at the same time simply because it's just an expression of how much you care for the people concerned. To cut off the cheesy thing...

I'm fond of someone. HAHAHA this is truly something different, considering the look and image of so many of my previous blogs since last year. This doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to definitely go for her and win her or something. I'd just like to see how things will play out eventually by taking small steps towards that goal - her. But before that, I'm going to get my act together before I venture into doing something quite heroic.

Ultimatum, Probably

2010-04-22T02:04:00.002+08:00

I'm quitting smoking. It was 11:11 pm of April 21, 2010 when I had my last stick of Marlboro Black Menthol at Encore a while ago. Of course, I smoke whenever I drink but I've finally decided, with all due determination, that I needed to stop the vice. Such a miserable effort, yes I know fellow mortal, but then I'll be doing this because I've seen beyond the smoke.

My stick, my treat. K?

Home Early

2009-12-25T17:48:00.002+08:00

Around 4 pm a while ago, dad was already drunk. Mum said we can't stay for long in the reunion if dad's gonna act out of control so she decided that the whole family bunch should go home early for today. Dad, without any knowledge of time and place in his critical situation, agreed. So yes we are now home thank God and everyone's safe as far as I'm concerned.

It's just that, I only had 5 bottles of beer. I mean, what the fuck, I still haven't indulged myself into alcohol and we already have to go home. Damn.

It's Christmas season anyway so why not give mum some piece of obedience, right? Haha oh yeah I'll give her what she wants for now. I want some presents from her too in return. Aside from dad being drunk, I demand something much more entertaining, not that I'm cruel or a fucker for a son. I want to enjoy Christmas since dad seldom celebrates Christmas season with us considering his field of work.

New Year's Day is another drinking day. I'm looking forward to it.

Christmas

2009-12-25T00:56:00.000+08:00

It's been a year since I established this blog site out of thoughts I couldn't classify as acceptable to my Multiply site. I actually enjoyed reading my posts here again and again, even if the real followers of this blog aren't more than 10 (well at least in my rough estimate).

Happy holidays to all Cheetos lovers out there!

Embers

2009-12-22T19:33:00.002+08:00

I enjoyed reading that last chapter of the novel I just published entitled "Light To A Firefly" on the other Cheetos Blogger. Take a peek and enjoy that one.

I just woke up from a good long siesta since I took an overnight at Brian's place and I didn't really sleep at all 'til morning because I was thinking of so many things. I'm kind of disoriented with my freaking out body clock and unconditional appetite.

I'll get back up anytime soon.

Watch out!

2009-11-05T23:09:00.000+08:00

Something's cooking

Writing is a Good Friend

2009-09-21T23:34:00.005+08:00

The day I set this Blogger account on Hiatus was actually the time I got home from Ateneo after visiting Bianca. Well, to make things short, I heard from a friend that she was not in good terms with me. And that being said, I didn't even have a single clue as to why.

A week before my visit, I asked around some common acquaintances of ours and I learned that she was mad (I couldn't find an appropriate word) at me because news reached her that I was spreading that she made me hold on to her yet I never had the slightest chance on winning her. To not further complicate this topic, I was supposedly spreading bad rumor, therefore ruining her image to the people.

News reached to me too that I was spreading this bad rumor. I was supposed to be the doer but it seemed as if I didn't know I was already doing the whatsoever thing I was supposed to be doing. I got to admit though that I don't really know what I speak about whenever I'm under the effects of too much alcohol intake (and I don't wish to be considered as well in these cases), but the big question is: WHY?

Why would I spread bad rumor about the girl I loved the most? To whom I offered all of my heart to? To whom I devoted the whole of my self to? Why would I demolish a friendship that took me effort on establishing upon good foundation? Why would I waste such relationship that I've worked my ass all throughout? Why, after investing so much time, would I want all of these to falter? Why?

Having no clear answer myself, I decided to go see Bianca. And I did. I won't be telling what happened (you better ask me personally). I got to say a little of my side and explain myself to her - I got to say sorry for all the trouble - but here's the verdict: doom.

She told me that she was able to confirm the news from 3 of my friends whom she declined to identify due to privacy. Ok I respect that. But if I was really spreading bad rumor, and I really mean SPREADING the hell of it, the whole of Ateneo should've known the whole shitload of the fucking act.

But, no.

My blockmates never heard from me. And so did my English classmates together with Bianca except for those close friends of mine on that section. And I only told my whole story to aMp people she never knew, or my close friends who got only as close to her as seeing her silhouette from afar.

And do I really spread bad rumor? If yes, beat the hell out of me the next time you see me. I mean the HELL FUCKING OUT. And I'd even thank you for that, good sir. I highly regard that beating me up as commendable, even if I'm to take great pain so as to justify my crime. I don't boast the fact that I respect women highly, but if I ever did spread bad rumor about a woman, it would be breaking my principles in life, thus, a crime to me and my world.

On the other side of the paper though, she might have overseen through the whole situation and thus believed a rather less true point of view (since I will never admit that she commits mistakes), I'd still not get angry at her. I just couldn't. Why would I?

No matter what happens, I love her as as friend. And I swear to high heavens that when I pronounce the syllables of the word "love," I fucking mean it.

The whole thing got me crushed to the ground, hopeless. It gets me depressed. "Depressed," ladies and gentlemen, since I don't find the words "fucked up" as real even though the latter phrase has always been my favorite during my screw ups in life.

And Bianca, if ever you read this, I just couldn't find the right words to tell you that's why I can't just talk to you. I don't know what to say since I think I've already said more than enough the last time we saw each other. Nevertheless, I still don't have the soul and the spirit to face you after all these. But don't worry, you can always, and I mean ALWAYS, approach me. And if ever I really did spread the rumor, kindly tell it to me again and I'll gladly accept it. And do whatever pleases you. As long as you're happy, I'm fine. It's what I've always wanted after all - your happiness, not mine. Don't worry, I'll deal with anything. :-)

Here's a tear for reality and for its death.

-----

Johnnie Walker had this quote "Keep Walking." I did. It got me somewhere.

Hiatus

2009-08-27T22:48:00.000+08:00

You know what that means.

Ah Shit

2009-08-25T21:07:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, people really get into your nerves. And if it happens... Damn, boy.

Sleep, Glorious Sleep

2009-08-21T15:52:00.004+08:00

Sleep is glorious. It is a human being's basic form of physical regeneration from lack of sleep itself, exhaustion, whatever shit - you name it. Sleeping is the optimal form of physical rest because one temporarily stops utilizing the whole body for whatever purpose and it's just left lying down in a bed or something.

Sleep also grants mental rest as well. The mind temporarily stops thinking about the past, present and future and relieves itself of stress. The brain runs in tranquility and serenity, granting its owner the state called "peace of mind."

Moreover, sleep makes you happy.

And when you sleep, you dream. When you dream, you encounter one of the wonderful phenomena of life. When you encounter one of the wonderful phenomena of life, you wonder how wonderful life is. When you wonder how wonderful life is, you think of everything else. When you think of everything else, you get tired. When you get tired...

Do fucking sleep.

Ironic

2009-08-15T00:47:00.001+08:00

It's very interesting why the people you trust the most...

Gives the trust you gave them back to you and tell you...

"I don't fucking care."

I don't give a shit either.

I Didn't Know That

2009-08-10T23:10:00.005+08:00

Well here's something really cool. I once forged this thing called "heart" in the fires of enthusiasm and sincerity. It was powerful enough - being my own Excalibur to fend off impurities to the word "love." I tried to make that heart stand for true love.

Sometimes, you just lose the war.

It looks like this: this so-called heart I offered to that someone declined what I willingly gave her and she gave it back to me. So me, being dumbfounded at the time, thought that that heart would be of no use. Still, I kept it.

After several months of intense and rigorous analysis, I now conclude that this thing I worked hard for called "heart" is nothing but a stinky little piece of shit. So while I was walking home just this afternoon I threw it away. I don't know where it landed though but I hope it gets destroyed. I don't care now that it's out of me. At least I got one of my hands free.

Although I'm willing to forge another one, perhaps a stronger and more determined one, for a special someone, I'm afraid that I'd be deliberately wasting my time.

Now I know what this is: Bitterness. I should stop ranting, like, now? Yes. This ain't getting me anywhere and I'm simply igniting my own entropy.

Just Fine

2009-08-05T22:40:00.003+08:00

Everything seems just fine. I mean, everything in my life right now is flowing smoothly and slowly through some endless vortex tunnel, or rather swirling in tranquility down a vessel of infinity towards what we call "the future." The problem with this ongoing phenomenon is that, being a body of some sort of liquid, one takes an indefinite shape and becomes relentless in velocity.

To achieve a consciousness that enables the self to be aware of such reality, reality itself should act upon the fate of a certain self - perhaps being a bottle somewhere down the path that would catch all the water and seal it within. Yet that bottle continues to flow or fall. Although relentless in speed and direction, now the water takes a definite form.

BOOM. The bottle breaks once it hits something hard. The reality breaks into the water's awareness. The water may not be hurt, but it sees what it is to be hurt and broken. This is what we call consciousness.

Now that the water is scattered into droplets, there must be some natural force that should act on it for it be able to collect itself once more into one single body and continue its trail down the path of life - be it flowing in a tunnel or swirling down a vessel. To infinity, it is.

If one is a little unlucky though, death may be that next bottle. Good luck.

Plan C

2009-08-01T06:03:00.002+08:00

Well Plan B is already half-cooked but I think I'm going to be pitching in my indecisiveness en route to Plan C. Whatever these plans may be, I assure the 99% success of my methodologies.

The 1% is a bitch.

Shit Happens

2009-07-26T20:59:00.004+08:00

Well technically before any major shit happens, there's usually a chain of minor shit occurrences that take place for quite some time. The bad thing with this shit minority is that you can't smell them coming. Heck, they're fucking everywhere but you just can't notice them - your sense data simply considers them as negligible.

And when the major shit is about to happen right in front of your shit-struck face, you go like "Oh motherfucker hell no this shit ain't happening." And then it happens. "Oh shit," that's what you usually tell yourself afterwards.

But there's this shit we usually term as supreme.

God, no. Save us.

Supreme Shit: You're dead.

Imagine though that I've been through one and I made it out barely alive. At least I am. And I'm telling you, you're not going to like it.

Haircut

2009-07-25T11:52:00.001+08:00

I had one yesterday somewhere in Gateway. Oh yeah, Menage Salon! I remember. Oh well, I had to say good bye to long hair because I have to look decent at Jeimi's debut later.

It's just that, I kept the devil lock. Roll out motherfuckers. Lezzgo!

Oh Shit

2009-07-19T11:01:00.004+08:00

That's the title of my Plurk page. Don't you just love saying that out loud especially when something comes up that terribly destroys your day? Oh shit man that sucks big time.

I had a little artsy fartsy itchy blah blah whatever you name it "fight" with mum last night because I went home pissed and fucking broke. And she didn't seem to see my point of why I was hot-headed. So much for understanding parents. I'm sick of being the one who understands people here at home ALL the fucking time. They just can't see that I'm only a human being.

What if I exist not as a human being but something else? Oh shit.

Plan B

2009-07-17T00:11:00.002+08:00

Something's cooking. Better watch out. Better not pout.

Contentment

2009-07-10T20:38:00.004+08:00

For some reason, I'm feeling this inner drive that propels me to be happy for no reason at all. Well, in actuality, I just realized that no matter what happens, I still have to value what I have - or at least be contented with the life I have.

Furthermore, I feel like doing a lot of school stuff this weekend. I'm kind of focusing my energy to do all the tasks I need to finish. I'm really motivated for no goddamn reason. I just feel happy and revitalized.

So yes, basically I am re-energized with optimism. I now look at the world in a very different perspective. I can see goodness from everything I encounter and I feel like I can make good out of something useless at first. I've never felt this way before.

And oh, love is out of the matter here by the way. I just felt the positive vibes of life by being a very positive person as opposed to what I was before. I am now ready to tackle reality while empowered by my trust on myself.

P.S. Do you know the word 'sarcasm?'

Optimism

2009-07-07T21:39:00.003+08:00

Optimism is a real bullshit. But sometimes, it helps you survive... At least for quite a while - as long as reality does not bite hard.

HAHAHAHA

2009-07-05T01:01:00.003+08:00

That's what I've been saying to myself lately. It's been days and weeks and months and I still couldn't forgive myself for being the epitome of the word stupidity (and I'm talking about extremes here). I just could not stop hating myself. It's an endlessly daily routine that I wake up with a self-inflicted anger and that I sleep self-immolated to pain.

I'd rather share it with people personally than rant it over here though. But still, it doesn't make me any less stupid than before. Fuck life for being so pointless, no, love for that matter I guess. Or is it really love? Or just a higher hierarchy of stupidity? Whatever goes.

I loathe myself for that.

Philosophy

2009-06-28T19:50:00.000+08:00

I've been enjoying this subject. It keeps me thinking, at least thinking of other things.

25

2009-06-26T00:29:00.002+08:00

Today is the 26th.

9:37 pm of June 25, I was taking a nap since my internet connection was fucking up. I was supposed to be celebrating, or perhaps rejoicing because of my goddamn stupidity.

Sleep is a form of celebration. Sleep not just grants a person time to restore energy and recover from the draining day to day activities but it also brings a person to a maya. It brings a person to a void where he rules all the corners of that indefinite world.

That is consciousness, my friends.

And it is what rules the human being, as opposed to what we believed in, strongly believed in, or what we wanted to believe in for that matter.

Damnation

2009-06-24T22:36:00.002+08:00

It just ticks me off whenever I'm left only with the idea that I'm the stupidest guy on earth. And the really irritating thing with this is that it's fucking true.

Oh well.

At Last

2009-06-18T20:07:00.001+08:00

I've published my story at http://cheetoscrunchycheddar.blogspot.com

Hope you like it.

Reverse Caffeination

2009-06-11T18:31:00.002+08:00

4:00 pm.

I was sitting in the family room watching the "Is It Real?" show at National Geographic Channel. I was sipping coffee from my extra large mug and enjoying the lousy afternoon.

I placed my mug on the floor as soon as I consumed my drink and the next moment I saw myself lying down on the sofa. And the next moment I was asleep.

I need to drink more coffee then?

Sometimes

2009-06-06T22:01:00.002+08:00

Sometimes you need to learn how to give up on something you were determined to acquire before. And learning that skill takes a shitload of ape crap up your balls.

It confounds you why you need to learn such ability in the first place. Wouldn't it be contradicting one's self time and time again? Or wouldn't it be retracting a goal to another starting line?

Sometimes life goes on circles. Sometimes it does not though.

The latter sounds better.

Enlightenment

2009-06-02T21:57:00.001+08:00

As of now I'm on my way to change. Hopefully it'd be something fruitful.

Credits go to some of my friends who were always there for me whenever I needed them.

Almost Time

2009-05-25T21:07:00.003+08:00

2 months ago I was having dinner at Yellow Cab with friends.

It was roughly the same time this blog was posted - the evening of the 25th of March.

It's been 2 months since I got dumped. Haha. Ooops. That's something worth remembering for me though.

Exhaustion

2009-04-29T09:11:00.001+08:00

Even when you're not doing anything, life can be outright draining. Sometimes you just need to slow down a bit and ponder about the direction of your existence.

Have a break.

Busy Bee

2009-04-08T17:53:00.002+08:00

I've been writing all this time that's why I couldn't make a decent update of what's been going on with my existence lately. I wanna keep you posted though.

So what has happened to me so far? Well, you could check out the other blogspot I have by clicking on the links section on the right pane of this page and read the story "The Devil Lock."

It's still being developed though and only 2/3 is done. Enjoy.

Fail Day

2009-04-03T00:12:00.003+08:00

12:12 AM of April 3, I realized that the day before, April 2, was an epic fail day.

1.) I failed to wake up early to jog in the morning and I even cursed my cellphone for its alarm (which I intended to set the night before in order to help me wake up).

2.) I left our Toyota's fog lights open for 5 hours after I drove from the supermarket to purchase off some goods which drained the vehicle's battery.

3.) I cooked dinner the wrong way since I did not get the right mix of ingredients for the Milkfish and I screwed up the rice too since it's burnt when I opened its pot.

4.) The most epic of them all is that I learned from AISIS Online that I flunked my Accounting 10 course for the second time.

Good bye Ateneo.

I'm a failure.

Officer Dickhead

2009-03-31T04:23:00.003+08:00

Officer Dickhead is one of Lamb of God's songs which is playing on my stereo right now.

I could not think of a better title and I'm hungry yet again. Well, I was supposed to go online 6 hours ago but then my smarty little brother a.k.a. bastard played DotA on our remaining PC 'cause 2 laptops have been fucked up like my life and the other desktop got disassembled because tech guys still had to remodel the interior.

So why did I not go online after bastard used the computer?

Beergin. Oh-ho happy birthday. Smartypants and dinglehead I was at the time, I slept. And when I woke up, voila, it's 3:27 am. Forget about Chantal's plans for tomorrow which I don't know 'cause I didn't get to talk to her - I just hope I'd be meeting up with the guys later.

And oh, I was even texting Bianca stupid things like:

"I think I got drunk
Nah kidding, I'm good I'm good.
Heeeheeeheeeheeeheee
I'm fly like the sky.
You see, I'm not drunk 'cause I still text well!
I'm strong."

Who the hell in his right ass would do this?

I'm an ass.

The Drive

2009-03-28T00:48:00.003+08:00

School's over, well possibly, my chances of staying at my university too, primarily because I didn't get to drive myself... Something else did.

Emotions.

Fuck that. These so-called fancy little fuckers roaming around the realm of your heart constantly and continually screw you up in almost any situation that requires critical thinking of the mind. These fuckers instantaneously interfere with whatever is going on and change the course of history, forever.

You read that right. Forever. So FUCK it. Yeah, I'm tired of cyclical and angular bullshit that's been designing the model of my earthbound and temporal existence and I'm sick of bearing the inevitable ass jack pain of each and every day.

Kidding. Perhaps I should shift gears and propel myself to the real steering wheel and drive my existence to happiness.

The keys are missing though. And from there I've already fucked myself twice. Going thrice bitches. Long live eggheads of the world, you have nothing to lose but your balls.

I lost mine already. Well I have a third one.

Condolences

2009-03-22T09:19:00.001+08:00

My grandpa (mother's side) passed away yesterday afternoon. It was expected.

It does not get me so depressed though. I realized that, if I were in my grandfather's position, and I died, I would not want others to weep for me and for my death. I do not want to see people crying because of me primarily due to the fact that I do not want to be a cause of sadness.

Secondly, if I die, I'd rather want people to rejoice because I have been a "good person" (if ever that would be true by the time I die hahaha) and that I have contributed many good things to this world.

Third, I'd want to pinpoint the epiphany that I passed away, and through that I've made the world a more complete one.

Rest In Peace Lolo. :-)

Of Pens and Papers

2009-03-20T04:28:00.000+08:00

AHA yes! My last English paper for this semester is now done! I only have 2 more examinations to go and an oral defense before my semester officially ends.

However, I smell that I might get kicked out. HAHAHA. I'm just hanging with my hopes and dreams as of now since catching up with my grades would not be so probable anymore due to the lack of remaining time. I'm just thinking positive right now, and yes, positive. Yeah that's right, POSITIVE. Now.

And if a teacher confronts me with a threatening grade...

"Ma'am/Sir, what would Jesus do?"

I'm serious.

Bullshit

2009-03-12T19:43:00.000+08:00

Spell the word "Life."

B-U-L-L-F-U-C-K-I-N-G-S-H-I-T

Wondering why it is long and shitty as that? Well metaphorically if someone asked you life you'd give him or her a bunch of bull fucking shit. So, really, you taught him or her how to spell life that way in the first place.

:)

Nothing But Stress

2009-03-09T00:06:00.000+08:00

Indeed.

School's been wearing me out all day long. It was a Sunday, yes I know, but then all the pressure from the incoming hell week has been pushing down on me. And when I was doing my assigned tasks a while ago, a little thought from my younger brother came up and boggled me for quite a while.

I haven't played DotA for the longest time now! And when I saw li'l bro playing the game just this afternoon I was like: "Holy shit I missed a lot-- wait what the hell, there are new stuff found around the newly-released maps! And there are new age item builds for various heroes too! Dude, you've gotta play this game again... Seriously."

Nah, I've been able to stop the vice and the addiction already. Perhaps I'll just play the game occasionally with friends. That sounds better now.

---
Anyway, our band's song has been successful. I don't know if the other guys would like to take it one step further but the recording sounds good enough for me.

Exit

2009-03-06T20:19:00.000+08:00

If she taught me one thing, it has to be this one:

[The MEL formula]
Meaning + Existence = Life

Anyway, I've been tired from playing the game "Progressive Dessication." I am actually on my third and last chance before a complete game over, and I may say that I was able to play my remaining chance quite well for the last time. But before everything else finished, I chose to quit.

Exit Game?

Yes.

MELancholy.

Pathetic

2009-03-04T06:49:00.000+08:00

Pathetic is a good song from Lamb of God. It's got good riffs and a sweet solo, and oh, the drums were really amazing.

Pathetic is an excellent description of life.

Trust me, life has never been happy, and it will never be.

Humans were doomed to be sad beings and will attain no success but failure in whatever aspect of life they may venture in to. Humans were cursed to be solitary forever for they will always be alone and alone for eternity. Humans were supposed to exist anyway - to be a mere biological existence that's an insignificant fraction of history.

That is how pathetic life is.

Simple Joys Of Life

2009-03-02T01:29:00.000+08:00

For some reason my blogger's time won't sync with the "real" time. Blogger's time is lagging by about 16 hours behind and I don't know how to fix it yet.

Anyway, I just finished a paper and I decided to get a snack downstairs. There's this pack of Gardenia Pandesal at the dining table. I'm telling you, it has got to be one of the tastiest pandesals out there and I like it. It brings about the simple joys of life.

Ah yes, the simple joys of life...

... Reminds me of the times I was with her. Every moment dispensed into the past was all too precious - that reminiscing just one of those moments makes me smile.

Fills me with joy...

\m/

2009-02-27T07:26:00.000+08:00

Last night, Kris, a friend of mine, brought me to a friend's place. I was supposed to go home but he told me they were writing a metal song. Due to the irresistible temptation I came along.

Ayo's place was pretty cool. The studio was not that grand but it was more than enough to accommodate a whole band, and his drum kit's pretty awesome. I got to play it for a while.

Anyway, we were writing this song about Rome VS Carthage. It was supposed to be a progressive rock song but then Kris pitched in this deathcore riff as an intro and everything else followed. I soon found myself growling HAHAHA. And when I did that, they stopped the open jam session and requested me to growl the whole song.

So I was in and all they needed was a bassist.

---
Band name: My Chemical Romans
(Proposed) Song title: Immolate Carthago

Grasslands

2009-02-22T00:25:00.000+08:00

Have you seen the African Savanna? It's one wide expanse of grass and all that. And as we all know, it is the dwelling place of one of the most fearsome predators in the planet today.

The lion

A male lion sometimes leads a whole "pride." He doesn't hunt anymore when he attains that position; he leaves the female lions the task of hunting prey for the pride.

The female lions then cautiously approach a target tactically and all of them are strategically positioned for cornering purposes. Then in the distance of around 30 meters from the target the lionesses break their own cover and make a run for it with velocities reaching about 60 kmh.

Cut the story short, it's the other way around when it comes to life.

1.) Men are ruled by their pride.
2.) Men chase the prey, but no more than a minute.

More than that and the lion dies from excessive heat energy production and extreme dehydration.

Reverse Polarity

2009-02-17T22:13:00.000+08:00

I've heard this term from one of my favorite computer games - DotA.

It is Magnus' final skill which pulls all nearby enemies towards him then stunning them for 4 seconds and dealing great damage. Then when all nearby enemies are disabled, Magnus empowers his base damage then combines it with his splash damage that cleaves and distributes his immense offense to all those enemies. And after that he finishes it off with a wave.

This all happens in a span of 4 seconds. Magnus blinks in to your location from nowhere, and you taken by surprise cannot do anything but watch your character get owned.

Well my character underwent the same situation. It's just that, it wasn't Magnus doing the job.

I'm perpetually stunned.

Polarity

2009-02-16T21:57:00.000+08:00

It always boils down in two: either a positive or a negative feedback.

In my case, it is highly negative. The methodology of my experiment led to a negative feedback. The electron transfer was weak and there was negligible voltage difference detected by the voltmeter so it is acceptable enough to consider that there was no electric flow dispensed into the circuit.

Perhaps I should replace the copper wires which serve as connections all throughout the circuit.

Or start with a new circuit, which is highly improbable.

Or remain stagnant with the failure of the experiment and remain indifferent with regards to the situation.

There is no solution but to withdraw the experiment without any regards to its current progress.

Happiness

2009-02-14T22:52:00.000+08:00

Well I'm really happy 'cause at least I was able to make HER happy on the 13th and 14th of February.

Basically that's it.

She is not a sun that will blind you with beauty,
Nor is she a moon that will light you in darkness,
Nor is she a world where my heart will adhere to,
'Cause she's a universe where my world belongs to.

Yeah I told her those very words and I was glad she smiled upon hearing it. She laughed, and perhaps that's the sweetest laugh I've ever heard with my cold ears due to my heavy metal habit and all that... And her smile - it moved me. No, it stunned me. Uhhh, it stupefied me. Ermm no, I don't think so. It simply made me...

... fall, into infinity and beyond! HAHAHA!

I swear I'm gonna love her.

Please Wait

2009-02-06T23:36:00.000+08:00

There's this certain key you pressed on your mobile phone because you wanted to execute some random function - now you can't remember what you wanted to have, but you know you want it.

Then a dialogue box pops out from the center of the screen and then consequently covers almost the whole display, and it says "Please Wait."

You wait.

What if, in the middle of the process your phone hanged? You hopelessly wait but you receive no definite response from the phone. Now your lifeline for connectivity is certainly dead. What would you do?

I'd opt to pull the battery out and restart the goddamned phone.

Try Again?

2009-01-31T23:19:00.000+08:00

Uhhh I think the "Yes" option is unavailable so I'm left with "No."

I did opt to click on "No."

Dessicateddd! =))

Game over.

Something To Die For

2009-01-27T05:49:00.000+08:00

I was really sleepy last night, around 11:00 pm I think, so I thought it would be better if I give in to slumber... Or perhaps, just a little nap.

A nap of around 20 minutes shall greatly increase your performance. Take driving for example. If you're oh-so-sleepy that you can't drive anymore it'd be better to stop by a gasoline station and take a nap before hitting the road again.

Having the principle in mind I tried to apply it. I set the alarm at 11:30 pm hoping that I'd be able to start out Histo then Accounting 'cause I have tests for both subjects the next day.

Voila! When I woke up it was 3:15 am. Okay this is the first time that my alarm tactics did not work - my primary alarm of Fear Factory's "Slave Labor" and my secondary alarm (set at 11:35 pm) of Van Halen's "Eruption" failed to drag my consciousness to reality.

Anyway I finished Histo at around 4:30 am. Until now I've been circulating around Multiply pages of my contacts list 'cause I think I've exhausted myself already that I wanted to have a break. But by this time, I shall be preparing for school else the traffic will hinder me from being on time for my Histo class considering that I come in late most of the time.

And oh, I've finished like 3 albums of Lamb of god just this morning: from New American Gospel, to As The Palaces Burn, to Ashes Of The Wake. I don't know if I'm going to be able to finish Sacrament before I leave. And yeah their new album's out entitled Wrath. I'm gonna have dad get me a copy. >:)

Music > Coffee

Now you've got something to die for
Now you've got something to die for
Infidel
Imperial

Lust for blood
A blind crusade
Apocalyptic
We count the days

Randy did a good job on the vocals. \m/

Dead the Second Time Around

2009-01-26T00:19:00.000+08:00

I've been pretty much immersed in playing the game Progressive Dessication that I've lasted several levels before I reached a stage where there's this opponent right in front of me who had the snake I'm after right in his very hands. He was cuddling it, I'm sure, 'cause I was behind him... Looking hopelessly.

I think he does not even know I was there, but the snake did. Although I died the second time around, it still isn't game over for me unlike what I first thought of.

There's this indescribable feeling within me that constantly tells me to pursue my dream - to spend my 3rd and only remaining life to catch the snake or at least steal it from my opponent before my time runs out.

Go, Mike.

Whew.

Classics

2009-01-22T22:30:00.000+08:00

It is inevitable that classical Philippine literature has been flushing down the drain of unpopularity while the likes of "Harry Potter" and "Twilight" have been finding their marks in the interest of today's readers. As pop culture emerges from every front shelf and "What's New?" corner of almost every bookstore, there's no wonder the classics get left behind.

Still, the literature itself isn't dead; it's just buried alive.

The industry of Philippine literary publications loses fame as time progresses. Add to that the fact that these classics don't get enough promotion/recognition which leaves the artists of such works equally unappreciated. In a much more straightforward sense, today's Filipino readers would not choose classical Philippine literature over foreign monkey-king stories and oh-so-cheesy tales because the latter bites to the interest better than how the former does. To make it simpler, readers don't find the interest to patronize the classics.

So how does one restore something that's almost faded and forgotten? Tackle it in a business approach. Consider the classics as a product and then think of all plausible reasons why that product was almost phased out of the industry.

To revive this product, it should be re-branded - and in the process, the output should be something that would look to be totally different in the package but terrifically the same in essence and content.

How is this assimilated? Publications are resellers. They recreate and reproduce the art so that it attains a sense of immortality - that's why those preserved in the ranks of history are called "classics." Even if they're slowly being neglected, they can still be redeemed. They simply have to flow with time and every string attached to it.

Art cannot remain stagnant. Change is the only thing that's constant. The industry and the product cannot exist without each other. If one conserves, the other cannot modernize.

Solution: Philippine literature can be imbued to any adapting art to any adaptable period of art. Today is Postmodernism. Keep the content; replace the bottle. Just make sure the elixir doesn't get contaminated.

Classics will then retrieve the share of sales they once had. Watch how the rejects of yesterday fade as quickly as they came - out-shined by the brilliance of classic masterpieces.

And doing that leads to a pretty awesome business proposal.

-----
Dunno if I made a decent business & economics answer with that.

Faith

2009-01-20T19:30:00.000+08:00

The word "faith" reminds me of three words: confidence, trust and belief.

To have faith on something resonate three realities: 1.) being optimistic by being confident on something completely unsure, 2.) that something has acquired one's trust without proving itself first to be trustworthy, 3.) that something is a belief without proof.

Faith then is phony in technical terms. It is indirect and indeterminate, indefinite and immeasurable, unquantifiable and incomprehensible, and worse, it is really intangible and easily inexpressible. Yet, it still exists.

But with all of these depictions, it is absolutely indestructible. No matter how much it is disproved again and again or criticized for how nonexistent and unreal it is in substantial terms, it still remains as an immovable and irremovable long-stretching etch in the time line of human history.

The undiscovered truth is that faith is the reason for mankind's subsistence. Without faith as a reality, intellect would never have been true, life would not have been a four-letter word and the world would have been a very different place.

Without faith as a reality: 1.) Instinct would be the highest form of knowledge, which makes 2.) life equivalent to mere existence and survival, that contributes to the 3.) falseness of the world.

Faith is something that surpasses hope. Faith is the reason...

F - For
A - Anything
I - In
T - This
H - Heaven

Faith is God.

Thanks

2009-01-16T23:39:00.000+08:00

I wasn't asking for anything, Lord.

Yesterday, when I woke up, I prayed. I simply said a thanksgiving prayer - I mean, a thank you, just for everything - everything, absolutely anything that's good or bad. It was really surprising 'cause as far as I'm concerned I haven't been into this habit for quite a while now... And yesterday morning I unconsciously made the sign of the cross and "conversed" with God.

The habit continued until today. I was like praying before and after meals, before or after every subject in school, or anything where you can insert a prayer to... Just to say thanks.

I'm not some whiny little idiot who asks for everything. I'm not great for such things - I'm not someone who deserves everything he likes. For me, a simple thanksgiving MUST suffice. It's everything for me as a mortal who's given the chance to dwell within the presence of the Almighty.

A little "thanks"

But then, He gave something I wasn't expecting and more importantly something I wasn't looking forward to. It was something where my faith and hope have abandoned.

Haha, God can rekindle any fire.

And hey God, you're one cool dude. So yeah, thanks.

Alright. Fine. I'll play your little game called "love."

The Art of Writing

2009-01-08T22:24:00.000+08:00

Writing is not just about making correct sentence structures, using correct punctuations, forming coherent paragraphs and all that - it's more of conjuring brilliant ideas and arguments. These factors are actually the ones that give writing its purpose and is consequently what writing itself wants the readers to see.

The very essence of writing is to create something out of the writer's expression rather than to conform with the reader's interest or the critic's standards. Alienating the writer to his writing is like asking for something completely pointless, which makes the writing useless and the writer equally in shame.

Language should be a medium to freely express one's self and not a hindrance to voicing out one's thoughts. Learning how to use the language is more important than learning how to say it, for speaking something out that's meaningless forfeits the language of significance.

The very meaning of this art is making itself meaningful.

Conversely though, making an art is trying to sell people shit.

---
Good enough for a reaction paper?

Ah yes, school!

2009-01-04T21:49:00.000+08:00

Every student's dream... rather, nightmare.

Well you know, those times when a week or two of vacation flushed out every school lesson out of your mind and you're full with anxieties as to how you'd perform again - it just pisses you off repeatedly. You try to forget about it but then it haunts you all the more; the dread gradually increases with time.

But with all of these inconsistencies running through your veins, you still feel excited. You'd see all your "crushes" again and sit with them in class, be mesmerized on how twilight-ish you're supposed-to-be-love-story would be with them. You're excited to see your friends and acquaintances, their new found pounds over the holidays and all stuff they've bought and acquired.

School. There's much more to learn than the lessons of every period of every subject, every day, every week, every month, every semester, every school year, every elementary/highschool/college life.

And what we learn more than those lessons are not graded and are not even recognized by the system.

We never value our grades; they only worry us.

Extension Extension

2008-12-30T23:38:00.000+08:00

I decided to put up another blog for a story I'm writing.

Visit it here.

Hope you like it. :D

The Price is Right

2008-12-26T21:22:00.000+08:00

My Literature 14 teacher once said:

The best things in life are for free.

Two definitions popped out from my precise random thinking. One, to acquire something free is to acquire something priceless - something that can't be quantified with money by any means or something that has no financial basis. The other definition is this: to identify something as "best" is to identify that that thing is beyond reach because "the best" is always indefinite.

Such thinking is very pessimistic. By pertaining to the definitions above one can say that:

No one can get the best simply because it's the best.
Nothing is free because value is defined by money.

It's all sad. However, taking my cue from a friend, it all boils down to one good thing... Which is, hope.

Hope.

When a desolated earthling hopes, he will have the capacity to define what's best, what's free and what's both.

Camera: Smile!

2008-12-22T22:14:00.000+08:00

Some people are cameras. Do you know why?

Because when they are in front of somebody, that somebody will always smile and smile - even for no reason at all. Just the presence of the "camera" makes that somebody smile. Or perhaps, he constantly says cheese. I mean, not just say "say cheese," rather, literally tell cheesy stuff that's all too well.

But actually, the one who smiles the most is the camera itself, for it is him who really captures the smile and stores it... forever. Behind that lens and that flash, beyond those batteries and circuits, beneath the darkness and the silence, lies a smile encompassed by a frame of a millisecond of time.

I think I'm a camera.

---

Can't help it... Haha.

The Fangs of Despised Love

2008-12-20T19:43:00.000+08:00

That was supposed to be a serious pun on one of the lines of the ever-popular Hamlet Soliloquy:

"The pangs of despised love,"

I want to make it straightforward - these so-called "pangs" are actually caused by "fangs." It works this way:

Well a guy may occasionally run onto a snake and in that unforgettable encounter the snake may bite the guy and inject a good dose of venom.
The traumatizing experience is usually known as "awestruck by beauty" and the venom is usually called "infatuation."
The guy will die if he does not get a share of an anti-venom which is usually extracted from the culpable snake itself.
Although there's a fair stock of anti-venom in hospitals and clinics, the guy will still run after the snake in the hope of catching it.
In the end, some other guy would have caught the snake and should have been enjoying the anti-venom for himself.

And when all the other victims see this they all fall to their knees, disaster-stricken, in grim despair - which may lead to a potentially fatal physiological reaction due to their very condition.

Fangs, ftw... It's as if I'm running after my favorite snake, the Inland Taipan, with its venom running in my very veins.

Game Over

2008-12-16T22:17:00.000+08:00

Well, enough of my short-lived happiness and insensible excitement for today.

I've been playing this game called "Progressive Desiccation" for like 4 weeks now, and it seems as if some other gamer got to the finish line first, which leaves me with nothing.

Anyway, the game starts with a guy character entering an unknown and treacherous realm - of snakes and of survivors like him... But he gets a good dose of venom from a snake. The only cure to that is to find the very snake and extract its venom to formulate an anti-venom. Here's the twist though: Snakes bite multiple victims, and once a snake is caught by one character all the other victims die. Easy game over.

Horrible game.

Oh well, I can restart the game anyway. The character will always resurrect to retread the path towards desiccation and self-immolation.

2 Seconds

2008-12-14T16:38:00.000+08:00

I can't remember what exactly happened but I knew I was looking for something.

I was in that world, a world of shades, of blacks, whites, and grays. I was moving here and there trying to look for that special something. Whatever it was, it must have been really important cause I was exhausting all means to track it down.

I was in all places feeling hopeless with my case - I started out with my room, through all the toys and figurines, compact discs, shelves and shelves of books and displays and all that... Then out of my door to the outside world, to different cities, and parks, running up and down staircases, utilizing all public transportation. It consequently ate my money, time and energy, and eventually my existence to some extent.

I was really into it. It felt as if I've traveled the world already in pursuit of this thing but I can't seem to find it absolutely anywhere. That's when I thought I'm not looking for this thing; I'm actually chasing it. But to where? and how? I don't really know the means myself, I'm just tracing it without any hint of success.

And then came a point that I was about to find it but there was this big great white shark in front of me that hit me square in the stomach with its powerful jaws. Those jaws did not give any pain but it gave me a ride for my life - Its bite was a very different sensation, as if the world turned into liquid and was being poured to some sort of vessel. And it seems I too was part of the process.

Everything was vortex space where all matter was traveling into one direction, the direction where the shark was dragging me, the place behind my back, and I don't know what it was. I knew I was traveling in speeds of thousands of lightyears... And then, kablam! Flat ground but no pain or anything, just consciousness.

2 seconds.

Although my eyes were closed I knew I was in a very familiar place. I can hear my stereo playing a CD of mine in low volume. I felt the moderate lighting of the surroundings. I'm on my bed, lying still, fully awake, frustrated cause I wasn't able to find the "thing." It even feels as if the jaws of life dissipated into thin air, but the divine wings of tragedy has already anticipated my arrival... Giving me a bitter taste of reality.

I still can't remember what the thing was. If I'm to find it, perhaps it would be somewhere beyond the realms of death.

-----
All allusions refer to my Multiply blogs. Digg 'em up.

Stairway to Beerdom - Descending to Infinity

2008-12-13T00:51:00.000+08:00

Beerdom is actually a theory proposed by 3 "scientifically-inclined" people, namely Japs Tuazon (a block mate of mine), Marco Rances (a block mate and former highschool classmate), and me.

As we were walking with some block guys off to a store to buy more drinks, we incidentally and accidentally (as most discoveries were) discovered the "Beerman Law." This law is propagated by three important factors namely 1.) beer, 2.) stupidity, and 3.) the infamous domino effect.

Here's what happened. Japs bumped into the last baluster of the handrail by the stairs. Marco immediately burst into laughter due to Jap's unexplainable "high tolerance" to beer (sarcasm included), unknown to him that he was about to polish his left shoe with a little help from a puddle of water. SPLASH. And of course, it happened due to random ignorance or some coinciding stupidity at the least. To complete the domino of laughter, I too, cracked out, not knowing that there was an extra step to tread before a straight, flat ground. Thus, there was an additional domino effect of stupidity.

I forgot what happened next. Maybe we were still debating who was the most tipsy. But for sure, no one was... Which leads us to the cases of the Beerdom theory.

1.) A person knows the truth but tells otherwise, and no one accepts the claim.
2.) A person tells the truth but no one accepts the claim.
3.) Two truths contradict each other, consequently turning both to lies.
4.) Everybody knows the truth but they all deny it.
5.) Everybody had beer.

Infinity.

Birds of the Same Feather are the Same Birds

2008-12-10T20:56:00.000+08:00

Those lines still haunt me.

Three years ago, back when I was still in high school, the time when I'm the first person to be fetched by the school bus at 5:20 am, the radio has always been tuned in at 90.7 Love Radio early in the morning. And there's this small guy who keeps on telling twisted yet funny words of wisdom every goddamn break. One of those "wise words" is the very title of this blog.

I've always thought it was a joke that's supposed to make fun of the original one: Birds of the same feather flock together.

Well, it may have been very obvious for us to notice that it actually applies to real life. But do the same-feathered birds really flock together? I mean, do they always do that? Isn't it possible that some bird would stray away and cross the road less traveled?

This kind of epiphany brings challenge to the words of wisdom - a transgression to the archetypes within human history and comprehension.

For one thing, Birds of the same feather are the same birds was not supposed to be a joke; it was supposed to sound stupid.

But then, it kind of boggles you that some bird may just have been "feathering" up all this time. That's when the joke comes in to play with the truth.

Jokes are meant, without the joker fully aware of it. Unless he's a Fool (in a Shakespearean context).

Frito-Lay makes a wide variety of snacks for you and your family.

2008-12-08T22:43:00.000+08:00

One of those is Cheetos, made with real cheese.

If you haven't tried the flamin' hot crunchy flavor, I suggest you go get one. May I warn you though that if you're not used to this kind of flavor, you brace yourself; if you eat too much you're gonna go like:

"Shit. I didn't pay [insert price here] [insert currency here] for this."

That's when warnings (at the least) come in handy. At the back of a Cheetos pack is...

What's a Serving?

Count 21 Cheetos brand Flamin' Hot brand flavor Crunchy snacks for a taste that's bold - It's just the right amount whether you're young or old!

What more can YOU do with 21 Cheetos snacks?

Eat 20 now, save one behind your ear to snack on later.

This is my inspiration for creating a Blogger account. I'm a Multiply blogger actually and I find it enough to constantly fill in text to my blog page every now and then. It's just that, I'm saving one behind my ear to snack on later.

Well, I'm making this account basically to express the simpler side of me. If you think stuff posted here are too metaphorical or just too damn complicated compared to the simpler, concise, and clear ones posted at my Multiply site (which can be found here), may I remind you that it's really the other way around.

I'll post straightforward stuff here, and the complex ones at my Multiply. Read whatever you prefer; the context would fundamentally be the same. (Watch the word "would")

cheetosflaminghot signing out.