Are You There, God?

Of course you are, you #%&$@. I just want to tell you that I am thankful, with utmost sincerity. 2010 has been an epic year for me - all 365 days of it. It's been worth living, considering the amount of apeshit life has tried to feed me. On the backside of all those however, you gave me this gay thing we call "hope." And by this, I mean hope in general terms. It's not necessarily from someone or something, rather, an enlightenment through an epiphany.

Oh you God. You're a genius for using a mere mortal human being as a vessel for bringing upon enlightenment onto my world - my world because I view it this way and not Yours or anyone's for that matter - and because of that, I am now actually looking forward to the future. It now seems pretty exciting to experience.

You might be enjoying divine champagne up there in heaven, I assume? Send me some beer here!!! I'll pay forward.

Dear Blog

May I say that the past few hours should probably be the last of my alcoholic nights. I've been a drunkard for more than a year already and I confess that it hasn't brought me anywhere - aside from empty pockets and wasted time, that is. I am actually now regretting being an alcoholic.

I should also tell you that I've changed. It may not be the best change I've had so far in this dull existence, but then, it has actually been quite eventful. Aside from meeting this person who did inspire me, I am now striving to be a better person.

It's actually funny when people say these kinds of stuff after getting megafucked by alcohol. After cursing themselves with any kind of apeshit that crosses their minds, they consistently remind themselves of the "better person" ideal they will be striving for starting right at the next day, or perhaps upon waking up. When will they actually wake up from this disillusion?

Let me tell you that I'm now writing a new novel.

Bedtime Stories

Dear blog, I already owe you a lot of stories. Let me first start with academics.

I made it to the Dean's List this past semester and my average almost hit a B+ so fucking close that the difference was only a decimal. I am not that grade conscious however, and I am quite contented with this result considering my lousy academic performance.

The next most exciting thing would probably be the semestral break because I've been inside my house a.k.a. modern warzone for three weeks and I only went out during Fridays for drinking trips and during the days allotted for school enrollment and enlistment. The most exhilarating saga of this vacation would be the daily bum routine of wake up - breakfast - Facebook - lunch -Facebook -dinner - Facebook - DotA until my eyes give out - sleep. This is masterfully executed almost every single day.

Aside from those, there are nothing more to tell because you've probably dozed your ass off to bed. Such stories could bore you to death, and being the main character in all those quite put me in the most optimistic state in life.

You can notice that most blog posts here are tagged as "awesome" because they really are, in the truest sense, the opposite actually, which ironically makes it awesome in the truthful sense, or whatever. Let's just say that the world is awesome because Discovery Channel says so. You're awesome too.

My 20th Year on Earth Begins

So, hello dear blog. It has been more than a month already since I posted an entry on your virtual memory. I have been "celebrating" my birth day today in the most fashionable way possible and towards the end of it, I thought that this wonderful day is something absolutely remarkable, and thus deserving of a blog post.

Of course, this is an extreme sarcasm. What can you do with an empty wallet and an empty family anyway? Besides, we've been in "The Octagon" the whole day (alluding to UFC).

Not to rant in a sense though, I honestly think that somehow, a supreme being or a prime cause omniscient watching over us likes to play games. I mean, he gives you this problem, followed by this, and another one, and another one over there, and additionally a consequent problem just there, and yet another endless chain of reactions - which sums up to him fucking you up. Goodness is indeed a gift possessed by the weak. The truth is, there's nothing sensible in attaining the general good; it's just a cover up of one's inability to cope up with reality.

This is an essential lesson I've learned for the past 19 years I have been existing in this happy happy god-forsaken land. It is a question if I should be living up to the ideals of goodness, or try lending an ear to the other side within. Oh wait, let me flip a coin.

Let's wait 'til it gets back. A bird called "Intellect" caught it up there.

Q&A Portion

After several days I've finally received an answer I've been hoping for, and it was in a form of a surprise. Well, majority of answers come in such form, but then some just hit you on the spot that you seem unable to find a proper reaction at that exact moment. And no matter how much you do not want to receive the answer ironically since the question has always been an agony for the time being, you whole-heartedly accept the goddamn answer and you finally decide not to react but just cherish it.

Before this entry goes cheesy, I'd just like to say that I am quite amazed by how questions find their answers at perfect moments. It's like a game of hide and seek - the thrill of the question's quest never fails to instigate a story. Stories rooted from these forms are quite common, but there's just one fucking piece of an answer that makes all the difference. Among a million questions solved, there's that one epic question that stands out.

There's that one long chain of events where I've promoted myself to the ranks of stupidity. I honestly think though that it is actually luckier, looking like a complete dumbfuck and such, rather than seeing the reality falter together with faith because of an unanswerable question. Truth is, questions always do have answers. It's just fun to have a question answered by a question while the question is looking for its respective answer.

Before I continue blabbing shit here and not make any more sense, I have a question.

Do you have your answer?

Diffusal

Damn it when Medusa's graze purges a man's soul out of his mortal form. It renders the victim completely powerless, or simply put, devoid of life. As tantalizing the latter seems to be, those turned to stone are usually drowned in some sea of reality and then torn asunder by truth.

That truth though is highly debatable because all truths are subjective - subjective in a sense that there has to be one perpendicularity among all parallelisms that would make the slightest of differences between perspectives. And when one perspective strays into the dark wood of error, as Dante puts it, he should be assailed by his own beasts. He should then expect his Virgil to come up anytime soon and save his ass. If Virgil doesn't show up, the man of a victim needs some alcohol. Credits to Medusa for doing a good job.

Analysis

Sometimes, you don't need this thing.

People tend to over-analyze things when something unwanted comes up along the road and blocks their path to their goddamn enlightenment. Man's rationality then becomes his own weakness and stupidity. Consequently, man either falls to his own demise through the void of his emotions - which means that he won't be making any sense for the days to come. If his luck continues, he might be spending much more time contemplating on unreliable thoughts. We can't do anything about it 'cause man usually feels like shit during his alone time.

Pretty Legit

I had like 9 servings of 1/4 chicken last night at Max's and I must say that I shall abstain from such food in a span of 10 days. I feel like puking whenever a chicken meal comes to mind. I was able to maximize my 165 bucks though because it's the charge for the "Chicken-all-you-want" promo, and a basic chicken meal costs around 140. So I had 9 of those, minus a cup of rice and a side dish which aren't included in the 165 promo. Ah I hope I'm making sense now 'cause I type what comes to mind since she's talking to me. Gotta go now. Things seem pretty legit at the moment.

28 Days Later, Almost

I haven't blogged for a while because 24 hours a day seem to be a short while. Day after day I've been suffering from Jurassic technology and snail speed travel and I haven't found the time to write even just for myself, which is this blog site for that matter. And because academics and Cupid's missions have been interfering my daily routine as well, I wasn't able to open my Blogger account for several weeks.

Yet here I am again unable to quit smoking. But I've lessened it drastically - I only had 5 sticks for the past week. Isn't that great for a change? At least I don't average 60 sticks a day anymore.

On to more intimate things, it's getting better. I feel the vibes. And I feel that you do get what I'm talking about. And if ever you understood what this is about, good for you.

Back and Ready to Attack

It's almost since 2 months since I wrote here although I so wanted to chronicle the things that happened all throughout the remaining days of my summer vacation and the first few days of classes. It's because I have been extremely lazy and that I've had this crappy thing for a personal computer that won't work at times so I couldn't go post stuff online.

As far as I'm concerned though, things are getting better between me and her. This is just an assumption but you could call it off as a high probability since we've been seeing each other, not dating of course, just hanging out, or kidnapping her for that matter. I'll put up a new story for that on the other cheetos.

I found some reason in life yet again and I'm going to try to quit smoking for the good, the better and the best this time. Impossible it may seem, I'm pitching my bets higher. I just suddenly felt like I could just do it. To make things much more challenging, I'm bringing a lighter with me every single day to increase my temptations and prove the world how much I can resist cigarettes - and to a greater extent, I could easily light one since I've a lighter with me whenever I feel like I can't quit anymore.

Broke

Ah shit. I started smoking again. Obviously I was stressed and I'd rather vent out my frustration on my lungs. But then, I lied to her that I was able to successfully quit. Even though it was a day made of win for me due to the fact that I was able to be truthful to her to some extent, I still made a fool out of my contract. So much for quitting cigarettes. Also, I'm kind of broke now. 7 pesos may still give me one last jeepney ride before my pockets go completely empty. I hope I'll be able to survive for two weeks.

She's the one who made me smile again - not being cheesy here by the way.

Resistance

Well after missing her this weekend I've thought of something cool about what occurred last Friday. You see, Friday was a special day because it was the time I saw her since what? - the last day of her last semester for Freshman year. Not so much of time if you ask me, but it's the presence that I've been missing out.

So I was somewhere in Ateneo, falling in line to get some lunch. Uhh, I got mine. Kris was on the other food booth still making his order. I was even telling him things like, "Ah man, it's the bell already. She'll be skipping lunch for sure because she needs to go to class." And then right at the corner of my eye a very familiar silhouette seemed to look at me for several seconds. And when I looked back at it, there's her, alone, standing.

And here's the epic part. You know that smile you display in front of some person for reasons you just can't explain? That smile you can only show to him or her or whatever - Yes, that one. And you just can't hold it back. And the more you resist it, the more sincere it turns out. Teeth seems to be a good measure of sincerity if that's the case. But that smile, that's perfectly dropping her line of defense.

Of course this is just a theory.

The Social Contract

I haven't smoked since the time and date I mentioned on the previous blog considering I was very much tempted and tortured the whole day - I'm quite thankful that self-discipline was able to put its power over my mortality and I got home without lighting a single cigarette stick. Now that's a start.

I realized that loving many people is very much possible, to the extent that you put your heart in each and every one of them. Being committed and passionate towards a single person is a different thing. And there's nothing wrong when these two occur at the same time simply because it's just an expression of how much you care for the people concerned. To cut off the cheesy thing...

I'm fond of someone. HAHAHA this is truly something different, considering the look and image of so many of my previous blogs since last year. This doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to definitely go for her and win her or something. I'd just like to see how things will play out eventually by taking small steps towards that goal - her. But before that, I'm going to get my act together before I venture into doing something quite heroic.

Ultimatum, Probably

I'm quitting smoking. It was 11:11 pm of April 21, 2010 when I had my last stick of Marlboro Black Menthol at Encore a while ago. Of course, I smoke whenever I drink but I've finally decided, with all due determination, that I needed to stop the vice. Such a miserable effort, yes I know fellow mortal, but then I'll be doing this because I've seen beyond the smoke.

My stick, my treat. K?