Broke

Ah shit. I started smoking again. Obviously I was stressed and I'd rather vent out my frustration on my lungs. But then, I lied to her that I was able to successfully quit. Even though it was a day made of win for me due to the fact that I was able to be truthful to her to some extent, I still made a fool out of my contract. So much for quitting cigarettes. Also, I'm kind of broke now. 7 pesos may still give me one last jeepney ride before my pockets go completely empty. I hope I'll be able to survive for two weeks.

She's the one who made me smile again - not being cheesy here by the way.

Resistance

Well after missing her this weekend I've thought of something cool about what occurred last Friday. You see, Friday was a special day because it was the time I saw her since what? - the last day of her last semester for Freshman year. Not so much of time if you ask me, but it's the presence that I've been missing out.

So I was somewhere in Ateneo, falling in line to get some lunch. Uhh, I got mine. Kris was on the other food booth still making his order. I was even telling him things like, "Ah man, it's the bell already. She'll be skipping lunch for sure because she needs to go to class." And then right at the corner of my eye a very familiar silhouette seemed to look at me for several seconds. And when I looked back at it, there's her, alone, standing.

And here's the epic part. You know that smile you display in front of some person for reasons you just can't explain? That smile you can only show to him or her or whatever - Yes, that one. And you just can't hold it back. And the more you resist it, the more sincere it turns out. Teeth seems to be a good measure of sincerity if that's the case. But that smile, that's perfectly dropping her line of defense.

Of course this is just a theory.

The Social Contract

I haven't smoked since the time and date I mentioned on the previous blog considering I was very much tempted and tortured the whole day - I'm quite thankful that self-discipline was able to put its power over my mortality and I got home without lighting a single cigarette stick. Now that's a start.

I realized that loving many people is very much possible, to the extent that you put your heart in each and every one of them. Being committed and passionate towards a single person is a different thing. And there's nothing wrong when these two occur at the same time simply because it's just an expression of how much you care for the people concerned. To cut off the cheesy thing...

I'm fond of someone. HAHAHA this is truly something different, considering the look and image of so many of my previous blogs since last year. This doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to definitely go for her and win her or something. I'd just like to see how things will play out eventually by taking small steps towards that goal - her. But before that, I'm going to get my act together before I venture into doing something quite heroic.

Ultimatum, Probably

I'm quitting smoking. It was 11:11 pm of April 21, 2010 when I had my last stick of Marlboro Black Menthol at Encore a while ago. Of course, I smoke whenever I drink but I've finally decided, with all due determination, that I needed to stop the vice. Such a miserable effort, yes I know fellow mortal, but then I'll be doing this because I've seen beyond the smoke.

My stick, my treat. K?